i have not been journaling all that much cause i am trying to keep up with my blog. www.nowwhatsshedoing.blogspot.com. please visit me there, and leave your comments...and tell your friends.

toodles

i work in an office full of men. i was single, i drank A LOT, especially at work. i was friends with madame bovine...dave's ex. i don't know if i have explained this, but we were all friends, i met dave through my ex boyfriend mr. m. two years later, i was not with mr. m, but still friends with madame bovine and dave. now since i have known them, they have been a disaster. a rude statement but a true one. bovine and i were as close as we could be as she is not one to have any sort of deep emotion or true feelings for anyone other than herself, and dave and i become close emotional lean ons. he would lean on me about her unavailability and i would lean on him about being adepressed alcoholic still clinging to any hope that his best freind mr. m would ever love me again. pathetic i know. hence the depressed alcoholic part.

around this time at work, i would come in hungover every day and bitchy and have nothing good to say about anyone or myself (but was still as likeable as ever with my witty, sarcastic come backs and shitty attitude charm)...until of course that is, i would take the first sip of a beer and the whole universe become the funnest and most outrageous party to be at. it was like a switch that went off. it reminded us all of the episode of friends when monica gets back together with FunBobby an ex of hers, and all the "friends" are so happy because he is back. until monica realizes that he infact may have a drinking problem because he makes an awful lot of their drinks "irish". once they get bobby to admit he has a problem he quits drinking...and they soon discover that the alcohol was the reason FunBobby was so much fun. without it he becomes BoringBobby. so from that moment on around the office with the guys i became FUNBOBBY.

now i know i am not the only one with this nickname but it nonetheless means a lot to me, as i have never had a nickname (other than a derogaqory ditty the boys at school taunted me with when i was 11) and well it was amusing, fitting and signifies a time in my life, at my work when we all had a blast drinking a fuck of a lot and getting into trouble. it was my wild and single days...good shit right?

so i told dave and miss bovine about my new nickname. she got a real kick out of it, as she knows exactly how i change with the consumption of alcohol as that was our main past time together, again not a real solid and deep relationship...as far as "girlfriends" go. she and i were/are big "friends" fans so again, it was funny. so funny in fact that i guess she went to on holidays to visit dave's family that summer and sort of stole the nickname for herself. i of course did not realize this until i myself got together with dave a year later and sent his sister a link to my msn myspace page "funbobby77" as the main title, and she replied...funbobby? isn't that mdm. B? and my blood instantly boiled. how on earth could she tell everyone that SHE was funbobby? i couldn't believe she would be so cheap! and so unoriginal? and so jealous that she would steal my nickname?! i mean that is unreal! so i set the record straight and told dave's sister that the name indeed was mine. and chalked it up to mdm. B just wanting to be "cool" in front of dave's family, cause they all hated her, and that she obviously would not actually steal the name, but just used it temporarily to be witty. which is, i guess, forgiveable...considering she is a shallow and uncreative person and without trying to be me, had no real chance at being cool.

fast forward to four months ago. dave and i hook up through passing acquaintance meetings at a restaurant we frequent. over time we become friends and she gets a job where mdm. B herself used to work before she moved. waitressing with a bunch of other shallow, vain bitches whoethink they are better than every other woman in the world. in a conversation of sorts it comes out that my nickname is funbobby, and she says oh isn't that miss B's name? and i am like UM NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, why do you say that? and she says, oh that is what all the girls at work call her, for like 3 years they have always called her that. that is her nickname...!!!!!!!!!!!!....i says PARDON ME? WTF is that? she actually stole my nickname!!!!!!!!!for real. can you belive this? she is actually that desparate that she stole my nickname. i mean SHE used to call ME that herself!!

fast forward yet again to this christmas. Madame Bovine and her new man made homemade wine. she offered us a few bottles, i accepted, even though i was sure they were poisoned...cause i don't pass up the chance to tast good wine. so the bottles come to us with tags attached..."happy holidays from FUNBOBBY vineyards"

you.have.GOT.to.be.fucking.kidding.me.

yeah that is me loaded. well not LOADED, but drunk enough to look like that! puffy bean bag face. my teeth appear quite yellow as well i am noticing. ew. so that was july. vancouver, gas town...fun. in recent months quite a few things have happened. one being that i have come to the conclusion int he way of them coming right out and telling me, that the people who love me, hate me when i drink. apparently i get all fucked up and sloppy, i act like an idiot, i am annoying and i scare the kids. there is a frequency issue as well as a sheer uncontrolled manner of the amount i consume in one sitting. which i can agree with. i like my booze. it's fun, it's relaxing, it's an escape from responsibility and reality. i really fucked up one night when dave was out of town in portland. i won't go into details but i totally fucked up. so booze is no longer an option. ok so that is that. meh.

things that have happened over the last three months i have been ignoring (not because i wanted to) buzznet:

- got pregnant (2nd time ever )

- miscarried (2nd time ever)

- bought my first home, a 1978 trailer on 4.49 acres 20 minutes out of town for $165,000

- inherited a pot bellied pig and a german shepard-chow cross 6 yr old dog

- completed gutted and reno'd a 1978 trailer with new paint on the walls, ceilings, laminate and carpet

- moved...again

- assistant coached a grade 6 & 7 girl's volleyball team

- fell in love with tim horton's bacon breakfast sandwich and mochas

- gained 15 pounds

- got a ring - three diamonds, not engaged, just an i love you ring a really fucking nice one

- have emissed the last three months of www.raymitheminx.blogspot.com fer fuck sakes

life is good now and i hope to have a lot more time to myself. i am going part time 9 am - 3 pm as of january first. however we do not have the internet in the boondocks where i live, except for dial up, so i prolly won't get to visit raymi any more than i have been. but at least i have my own house.

Yes this is an old pic of Brit when she was knocked up with SPF

This is Me: "So Brit Brit, why on earth did you get knocked up again?!"

This is Brit: "It just kind of happened."

This is Me: "SICK! You are going to have to give KFed more of your hard earned dough if you keep popping his kids."

This is Brit: "I'm going to wait a while for the next (one)!"

This is Me: "You better or he's going to bleed you dry! And ewww you look so fat!"

This is Brit: "I feel like I've been pregnant for 10 years!"

This is Me: "You look it, you fatty fat fat! Why the hell do you keep dropping SPF! He's going to have to ride the short bus if you don't stop."

This is Brit: "It is now starting to get a little tiring, holding (Sean Preston)"

This is Me: "I feel you, he is fat so I can understand why you keep dropping him."

This is Brit: "It makes me feel needed and wanted, so I like it too."

This is Me: "Oh damn...when you drop him? Isn't that called munchausen syndrome?!"

This is Brit: "Crunching ice and chocolate, oh my God."

This is Me: "WTF! You aren't making sense! Are you sure you're not the one who has been dropped. Seriously, why are you so fat?!"

This is Brit: "I'll get up in the middle of the night and I'll get a Hershey's bar, the real big ones, and I'll put it in the microwave and melt it and eat it. It sounds disgusting, but it's so satisfying."

This is Me: "Hurl"

courtesy of  http://dlisted.blogspot.com/

i get a kick out of these women slash little girls who delcare themselves "a bitch"...

..."umm i am a bitch just so you know, so if i am a bitch to you don't feel offended i am a bitch to everyone"

?

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

so because you call yourself a bitch and tell people you are one then you can go around acting like a complete twat to whoever you want, whenever you want and you are completely exemplified and forgiven for it, because you don't know how to act any other way? and if we want to be your friend, not that it sounds appealing, we just have to buck up and eat that shit?

rrrright. how about, you ARE a bitch and not only that but you are a LAZY bitch because you can't be bothered to change your inconsiderate and rude ways to save the feelings of others around you? you make everyone around you suffer with your negative bitchiness because you can't be bothered to do aynthing about it?

you must be so proud of yourself? and you must have so many friends? and life must be a big bowl of YOU because it is clear you really only like people to focus on you and your dark bitchy negative attitude. you probably think you are really funny too. whats funny is that you think this is cool.

NEWSFLASH...we are all bitches that is why the whole fucking world refers to the female gender as bitches...no need to make it your "thing", it's weak.

PS...if you were in "total control", you would not walk around letting your emotions get the best of you and being a cunt to everyone who you think wants to hear your mindless opinion. and you would be able to refrain from being a bitch instead of using it as a crutch for your lack of personality and intelligence.

i am having the hardest time trying to catch the fuck up on raymi while i have the day off of work. i am also trying to clean my house and do recycling and scrub the bugs and tar that is a 2 yrs old off of my car and post on my own blog which i am convinced no one is ever going to read or comment on or care about. i like blogging, i find i don't have enough time but it is a neat way to keep a life line of your...life...der.

fuck i drank insane amounts of booze this weekend and stayed up way too late and took caffeine pills from some guy dave dave knew in the bar and missed my happy pill on saturday night whilst being fucking gunned and looking smoking hottttt in my new skirt which was cut about 4 inches above my knee which up until saturday has not happened wince i was in grade 5. because i absolutely hate my thighs and certainly could not keep up with the cutesy little 19 yr olds in the bar in this fuck hole of a town but i did it anyhow because i looked fucking way hotter and was turning dave on and keeping his cousin and his wife amused by allowing them to flip it up exposing my sexy black lace bootay shorts i had on because thinking about wearing a thong and sitting on some vinyl sticky seat cushion in one of the bars in this town is like asking for fucking crabs.

i may have taken my happy pill on saturday night eventhough not remembering i had but remembering i had opened the bottle and spilled them all over the floor and for some reason left one sitting on my dresser...making me think i had not taken it. so i may have taken another one making me fucking sick to my stomach in an urgent way while driving dave's cousin and his wife two hours to get to their plan on sunday.

oh  yeah...and on friday when i went to pick them up from their flight i had to drop off dave's girls at their moms and get the grand tour of her new house which was very nice but not good enough for her and which is going to be pretty much completely renovated in the next month which it totalllly does not need to be, with lamenate floors, stone tiling, new carpte, new paint and $20,000 worth of brand new furniture which i had to hear about not being delivered on time and her being totally pissed off because she couldn't get any laundry done and was running out of underwear and when i asked her if there was not a laundromat in town and she just looked at me like i had just suggested she bathe in the rancid afterbirth of ten thousand east hastings hookers and just scoffed and pretty much said in other words "ah...ew"...feh...i am so glad the bitch has finally moved out of town and is not in my face all the time...yet so fucking confused oh yeah and did i mention outrageously raging angry as to how people can say ... "good things happen to good people" and yet this dizzy cunt is living the good life and i am living in someone's basement being a thousand times more the woman she could ever be to dave than she could be to her man who pays for her EVERYTHING while she doesn't even fucking work and an eternity times infinity better than she has ever been to her kids............wtf ever happened to karma and when did i ever fucking piss it off?

fuck all the boozing has me fucked up and emotional. fuck. fuck.

there is absolutely no reason to come to work anymore. some fucking corporate dick has put surf control back on our computers and...and...this is bad...i can't get to raymi's blog!!! wtf am i going to do now? i can get to phil's blog, but with his recent lack of posting, how exciting is that going to be? i have tried every back door trick i have to get to it, and it isn't working. this throws my entire work day off. everything i do revolves around raymi's blog. i check her blog, then i check phil's, then i check mine - just to see if anyone has left any comments which btw is a total fucking waste of time because NO ONE leaves comments on my blog, if they even read it that is - then i come to buzznet and check my page, then raymi's, then i go back to raymi's blog, then to perezhilton.com, then back to raymi's blog, then i periodically check it every half hour to see if she has posted. she is my single source of entertainment throughout the day, and now i have to wait until i get home at 5 everyday just to see what she has been up to. if i even have time to with the girls coming to live with us. i am going to have to set aside RAYMI hour at home. fuck!!!!!! that is what my work time is supposed to be for!!!!!

no i am not pregnant, aunt flo showed up on day 43. i posted but for some reason it didn't work and i have not had the time to sit and fix it. so here i am...not pregnant. perhaps i should give you the low down on the pregnancy thing. me and dave decided to have a baby last february (2005), we are not married. but who is that has kids these days? anyhow we got pregnant right away, and i miscarried right away. so, we stopped trying for a few months, and then we tried again, and tried and tried and tried. turns out getting pregnant was not as easy as i thought i was. while we tried EVERY SINGLE WOMAN in the rest of the god given world was having babies. including all of my friends and i became so bitter that i hated even seeing how happy their babies made them. i was hearing stories of girls that were big drinkers and crack smokers were finding out they were pregnant while they were smoking crack...yet i couldn't get pregnant to save my life. i became obsessed with my cycle, mapping out fertile days, making sure we had mechanical sex every single day. it lasted about 7 months, i became severly depressed and dave and i fought like crazy. until about january of this year i finally said. "i'm done" i don't want to have a baby right now. adn i went on effexor. the thought of all of it was just making me sick. i was sick of feeling cramps and wondering if i was gonna get my period, or feeling pain in my breasts and thinking, oh maybe this time!! it was such a turn off i am done with it. although, it is hard not to think about why your breasts hurt. i just don't care anymore. if i get pregnant then great if i don't then it wasn't meant to be. right? fuck it. i believe it will happen when it is the right time. of course i will believe that for about another 6 months and then i am getting checked out, cause I WANT A BABY!!!!!!!!

it is officially DAY 40! i have made a dr.s appt for monday. i guess that will determine whether or not i have been inseminated with the demon seed or not. kidding. i love kids and would love to have one. so this is not a bad thing. and besides i am like almost 40 for christs sake...well i am  29 1/2, but in having baby years that is like 40.

there is one thing that is kind of bothering me. if having the worst smelling flatulence known to man is a symptom of being pregnant, dave is not going to come near me for the next 9 months. i will have to carry a barf bag and walk around with a built in fan in my pants to disperse the farts as soon as they leave my body, so i can blame the stench on someone else. to make you understand how absolutely unbearable it is, i imagined it last night as being like that part in the exorcist when the reagan/the devil pukes split pea soup/baby shit on the priest and then the two priests cover their mouth like they are being choked by the death of mustard gas, and then her head spins around. i imagine what they are smelling is my farts. i can't stand the smell of myself and even if i shit, it doesn't go away. i wonder if the smell just lingers around me like pigpen on charlie brown with just a cloud of stench that follows me. i had a boyfriend like that once. he had gross farts, disgusting farts, and when it got bad enough the smell would linger in the house and sometimes i would smell it on him. he was a dink. great! i smell like my dink ex boyfriend. fun. btw i tried to come up with a better word for fart and shit...but didn't want to sound gay so instead i opted to sound rude and gross and probably turned a lot of people off, but as if you don't fart and shit?!

i am tap dancing tonight. i take ADVANCED adult tap dancing every week and at the end of the year (may) we do a year end dance in the year end recital. it is going to be a full house. i have not danced on stage in like 3 years. our group is a trio and our dance song is herbie hancock "rock it". for those of you not old enough to know this song, it was a pretty popular break dancing song back in the early 80's. before the part of the 80's when it was acceptable for men to look like women and wear pink and lace...and paint their faces up like cheap hookers. hair bands were so gay. except bon jovi, they didn't wear make up and pink, they were hot and richie had the best harmony vocals, dead or alive was the sexiest video i had ever seen when 8. 

"rock it" is a good song and a good dance and i fucking rock OUT and i am going to dazzle so many people they are going to ask for my autograph afterwards and rave about how beautiful and fucking sick talented i am. they are going to be all like OH MY GOD, I JUST CAN'T STAND HOW FUCKING SICK TALENTED YOU ARE, YOU FUCKING ROCK OUT, I WISH I WERE YOU, HOW CAN I BE LIKE YOU? TELL ME TELL ME!!! I AM SO FUCKING DYING WITH JEALOUSY AND WANT TO CUT MYSELF BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND NOT BEING YOU SOOOO MUCH!...that is if i don't piss on myself from stage fright. but if i do, i will start a little pool of piss under me on the stage and dance in it like gene kelly in singing in the rain. and splash around in my piss on stage. and it will look like it was supposed to happen, like my piss was a prop or something. and people will still ask me for my autograph anyhow, cause who the fuck does shit like that??

exactly.

 good fucking god!! that looks painful! is this real??